Saturday, March 22, 2008

I Found a Pearl: He's Inside

Not being a jewelry lover myself, I don't get the fascination with pearls. Maybe it is because I have none, but these jewels of the sea seem less intriguing to me than say a sophisticated chocolate dessert. That is not to say I wouldn't be thrilled to find a big old pearl inside an oyster. I actually read about a man who did just that last month in Rome, Georgia. He's calling it the Obama Presidential Pearl. Hey why not climb on that bandwagon? Personally I have no doubt that I would sell the gem for as much as I could.

I hear it is real difficult to find quality natural pearls inside oysters. A pearl is actually formed when foreign matter like sand, shell or parasites become trapped inside; irritated the oyster then coats the irritant with a calcium carbonate substance to lessen the irritation. Of course man being the opportunist that he is decided to encourage more pearl production by inserting his own irritant inside the oyster leading to the creation of cultured pearls.

Now we all know what they say about oysters, yep it is supposedly an aphrodisiac and if you really want to show your manly skills you have got to eat those creatures raw. I should let you know that Crazy Legs Conti the raw oyster eating champion is a sperm donor too. For those of you who love Gulf oysters and either hope to find a pearl or even soup up your libido you need to become oyster aware because eating raw oysters can cause serious illness or even death. Anyone who has liver disease, diabetes, cancer or a weak immune system should consume properly cooked or post harvested oysters. Post harvesting includes some high tech processes like quick freezing and low-heat pasteurization.

I know people get real excited when they find a nice pearl inside an oyster and I would be too. But given man's interference in the process I wish there could be a way for me to chuck open a mammoth oyster and find well carved within, you guessed it, the perfect man. If he causes me any irritation though you know what I will do. That's right, sell him in a heartbeat!

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